Why can't I just fast without the big binge afterwards?
Am I not motivated enough? Is that it?
I have beautiful thin girls all around me - i don't get how they do it...is it just metabolism? Should I get boosters for my metabolism?
Am I overeating? Not really..
Am I undereating?...Not really.
This can't be my plateau...I refuse to believe this is a plateau.
This is a gigantic plateau if it is...
I want that strong voice in my head that helps me.
I need the self control.
Do I really like food MORE than I want to be thinner?
Is the food more important to me?
I want to say no....but now I'm not sure which is more important.
Lucas - he loves eating, I love making him happy & his favorite dates are those which involve yummy food and some movies - which usually come with snacks.
I can't blame him though - my lovely Lucas...I could also say no, bring my own snacks (apples - or just not eat) but maybe, a little bit...I resent him for it?
I love him - he's very kind. He doesn't know that I feel this way about myself - he doesn't know anything.
He mentioned once that I was chubby (he didn't mean it in a bad way, he called it cute..)... I crashed down on myself.
I've been sitting on that for a while - it was as if his comment was the last card that my little card castle could handle and it fell down.
But I still can't seem to get it into myself to stop eating so much...
Today - I'm going to try to skip a meal.
Just one
Consider it calorie restriction.
 |
| From Lookbook - isn't she lovely? |
I had water & coffee.
Bringing a water bottle with me so I can just keep drinking water and coffee...
Pack my own lunch of bananas (2 of them) and an apple - I'll have some vitamins so I don't lose out or become one of those girls who start to GAIN weight when they constrict calories (yeah..that shit is true too)
I still have 55 lbs to drop.
i know that feelings and moments when you think you love food more then be skinny.. but trust me, if you are deep in anorexia, this is just and illusion.. you think that just to eat something but actually, you will feel more guilty later :/ i know, its sad... it is a trap :S
ReplyDeleteI hope you're right :/
DeleteI've always loved food a little too much, that's one the biggest things I hate about myself - I wish I didn't like it so much.
I didn't realize how much my world revolved around it - everyday...waking up only to think about what I was going to eat that day.
It feels like a trap.
I don't know :I
I'm trying to limit.
Thank you for commenting - it means a lot to me. I feel a little bit less by myself :)
<3
DeleteHi darl.. I hope you're alright. Losing weight isnt what that makes you happy. Enjoy a day out with your girlfriends... Go window shopping... Well that way you're happy and its exercising too. Im a food lover... And I am trying to loose all the weight i can before my wedding... Its tough but the reality is you've got to have the balance. Take care! Love & Peace
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